Looking At The Stars (Songfic to "Goodbye To You")
by Blue.Rose.Marcella
Summary: Leia's thoughts and feelings between ESB and RotJ. My own creation; sorry if it's inaccurate. Please R/R. Read the AN.


**_A/N: I don't own Star Wars in any way, shape, or form. I own nothing in this songfic, actually. Michelle Branch owns the song "Goodbye To You" from her wonderful brilliant album _The Spirit Room_. Go buy it NOW.   
I have no idea whether books have been written differently or what cuz I've never really read SW books...I've only seen the movies. So this is my opinion of Leia's thoughts, and the part in between ESB and RotJ, okay? Only MY theories. Plus, I was too lazy to go check the movie to make sure I was right about the dialogue, so hopefully I wasn't off too much. Thanks! Please R/R.   
_**  
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
  
_Leia..._  
A cold hand grasps my heart, threatening to tear it into even tinier pieces than it did when Han was put into carbonite. That voice that just echoed in my head sounds just like Luke...And he sounds as though he's in trouble.  
I try to redivert my attention back to helping Lando and Chewie figure out the hyperdrive, but it's as though I'm paralyzed; I cannot move, I cannot blink. The voice is echoing in my head even still, as if determined not to let me think of anything else at all. I fear I'm losing my mind and try my hardest to ignore it. But it comes again, a fresh new message.  
_Leia...Hear me..._  
"Luke," I whisper. Lando and Chewie glance at me briefly, but think it's nothing. Lando doesn't even know who he is, I remember. I finally find myself able to move, and my heart is swelling with worry. "We have to go back."   
"What? Are you crazy? They'll--"  
Chewie roars at Lando. He hasn't yet forgiven him for betraying Han. I'm not quite sure if I have yet, either. But we had limited options about who we could trust these days; and he did seem as determined to save Han as Chewie and I were.  
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_Of all the things I believed in  
I just wanna get it over with  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~**_  
_** "All right, all right!" Lando caves, as he turns the ship back. My mind is racing; I may never seen Han again, and Luke's in danger. The two most important people in my life are slipping through my fingers. I don't know if I've ever been this scared. Not even when I was being held prisoner on the Death Star. Because now my two best friends are the ones threatened.   
I never really stop to think about how in the universe I heard Luke's call; all I have time to do is panic.   
I come out of my daze and look through the glass. In the distance, I see a rickety pole that looks as though it hasn't been used for anything in ages. And hanging onto it desperately--Is Luke! The Jedi in training looks so weak there...I feel my heart crying for him in sympathy. His head is turned our way; I wonder if he notices or recognizes the _Millennium Falcon_ in his state of mind. Something has happened...I see his cheeks stained with tears.   
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_Tears form behind my eyes  
But I do not cry  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
"There...Chewie, fly low," I command, willing Luke not to let go. I hope he can hear me as I heard him.   
"Lando, open the emergency hatch." _C'mon, Chewie...Hurry..._  
Chewie turns the _Falcon_ and we fly beneath Luke, just as he's losing his strength. I pray that Lando is helping him inside. Chewie turns the ship back around; I see the pole is now bare, looking very solitary in the purple and pink sky and painted clouds as the sun is setting. Have they only one sun? I don't remember, but I don't really care. Did Lando get Luke? I worry that he fell into the endless array of color beneath us.  
But I feel him in my soul; the feeling is weak, but so is he. I stand and wait. The hatch opens and Lando helps him in. I'm silently grateful to Lando, saving the life of someone he does not even know. It occurs to me quiet briefly that he may be a valuable ally to us.   
Worriedly, yet gratefully, I slip an arm around Luke and gesture to Lando that I'm taking it from there. Lando nods and returns to the controls. I walk Luke into another room, where I help him to lie down. That's when I notice his arm--and the stub where his hand used to be.   
I look at his face. He seems to be in a great deal of pain. But I sense that it's not only physical. There's something else wrong...I can see it in his eyes and the tearstreaks on his face. Luke is the strongest person I know...And he's been through so much pain in his life. He, too, lost his father at an early age, as I did. And when he thought he had another mentor whom he could look up to as such a figure, Vader murdered him. I remember after Han rescued him from the snowy drifts on Hoth; Luke was repeating Obi-Wan's name.   
I feel tears building up in my eyes at the same moment, and I bend down and brush the hair from his sweaty forehead, touching my cheek against it. I know that he's grateful as he looks at me thankfully.  
I try my best not to appear worried, for his sake. I pick up a cloth and start brushing the perspiration away, and gently touch up some of his wounds. I give him another cloth to press against his arm where his hand once was to slow the bleeding. I have no notion of what else to do for it; I'm not an expert in medical situations. I continue to clean him up to my best of my ability, but am nearly knocked over when the _Falcon_ violently jerks.   
I look up. Lando and Chewie must be having problems with the blockade. I turn back to Luke, who seems to only be half with me. I give him a quick kiss. "I'll be back," I promise.  
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_Counting the days that pass me by._**  
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
  
Later, I assist the medic droid in replacing Luke's hand. As I'm working, I feel his eyes carefully watching me. I pretend that I don't notice the way he's looking at me. Maybe he'll stop if I do so.   
Lando and Chewie are speaking to Luke over the commlink; they're on their way to Jabba's palace. Luke tells them we'll meet up with them on Tatooine. I cast my eyes down. I know that's where Han is being held prisoner.   
A whine from Chewie makes me smile a little. The walking carpet that I once thought was so vicious was really nothing but sweet and gentle to his friends.   
Luke seems to be handling the operation very well. I see him wince every so often, and sometimes mutter an "ow" or two. I watch his face. Something is different about him. Something has happened in the week or two that we were separated for, while he was in the Degobah system and Han, Chewie, Threepio, and I on the _Falcon_, trying to escape the Empire. I watch his eyes, wishing he would confide in me.   
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_I've been searching deep down in my soul  
The words that I'm hearing are starting to get old_**  
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
I let the droid finish up on Luke and head towards a large window. The view is marvelous; I can see endless stars and star systems, yet my mind can only comprehend Tatooine. I take a deep breath and stare out the window thoughtfully. _I'm going to save you, Han...Hold on_, I think softly._  
_~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_Feels like I'm starting all over again  
The last three years were just pretend  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~   
I nearly jump ten feet as an arm slides around me. I turn to see Luke, who appears gravely concerned. In an unspoken silence, a new bond is formed between us, as we both gaze out dazedly. We stand there for a few minutes before he breaks the silence.  
"You love him," he declares, smiling tentatively. I nod in confirmation.   
Luke gives me a sort of sideways hug. Is that a sparkle of some sort of joy in his eyes? I pray that it is. I'd give anything to see him happy for only a few seconds. He's been so sad.   
"Maybe Han wasn't so dilusional after all. I mean, he foresaw this, right?" he said.  
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_And I said  
Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
This time I smile slightly. Luke has always been able to make me smile, even in times of disaster. This bond that I feel with Luke...It feels so confusing sometimes. I know I'm in love with Han...But my feelings for Luke are very foggy. It's love...But it's definitely a different sort of love. Mostly like the way a sister would feel about her brother.   
This unspoken theory catches me by surprise and I turn to look at him, as he gazes at the stars. For the first time, I notice how his eyes look. I realize that his eye shape is the same as mine.   
_No,_ my head says, almost amused at such a thought. _You're not related to Luke. You were royalty; he was not. _  
Mostly trying to convince myself, I try to clear my mind and continue to watch the stars, conscious of Luke standing beside me, doing exactly the same.  
  
Later that night, I listen to Luke discuss rescue strategies with a few members of the council. My mind hasn't done anything but wander in so many hours. Too many things are happening at once, and I wish I knew how Lando and Chewie are doing with their rescue attempt. What if they've failed terribly? What if Jabba knows we're coming after Han?   
Han...His face enters my mind and so do the memories.  
_"I happen to like _nice_ men," I tell him in a panic. My heart is racing as he draws closer. I want him to kiss me...But at the same time, I beg he hold back. We're in the middle of an intergalactic war. I can't get attached to somebody. I just can't risk it.  
"_I'm_ a nice man," he insists quietly. Now I'm really feeling those butterflies in my stomach.   
"No you're not...You're--" He cuts me off with a gentle, hesitant kiss. He's no shy man, though; he soon deepens it when he detects my response.   
"Sir! Sir!" a voice is registering at the back of my mind. "I isolated the reversed power flux cupling!" Han pulls away from me, and I see the aggravation in his eyes. He turns to Threepio.   
"Thank you," he says in pure annoyance. I take advantage of this chance for escape and brush past them.   
_~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~**_  
I still get lost in your eyes  
And it seems that I can't live a day without you  
Closing my eyes  
And you chase my thoughts away  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~_  
~~~  
"Chewie!" Han calls, trying to calm down the Wookie. "Chewie, listen to me." Chewie turns slowly towards him. Han continues. "The Princess. _You_ have to take care of her. You hear me?"   
Chewie whines in a foreign promise. Han turns to me. Neither of us spend much time beating around the bush, and simultaneously come in for a passionate kiss. He's being pulled away from me now, but our eyes are still locked. I'm not thinking with my head anymore; my heart is doing all the talking, all the acting.   
"I love you."   
He simply nods. "I know."   
_~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~_  
** To a place where I am blinded by the light   
But it's not right  
**_~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~_  
~~~  
Oh, Han_, I think, my mind wandering back to the present. My eyes begin to water; I haven't found the time to cry ever since we left Bespin. The forming tears rather surprise me.   
"Leia? Leia, are you all right?" Luke asks, hurrying towards me in concern. I nod quickly.  
"Yes, I'm fine--I just, uh, have something in my eye." I stand, determined not to worry him. I have too much pride within myself, and one of the things I hate most is people pitying me.   
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew  
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
He puts a hand on my shoulder. "We're going to get him back. I promise you."  
I glance at him uncertainly; his eyes speak only sincerity and truth. I hesitate, but then wrap him in a hug. I know I can let myself go in front of Luke, so I allow the tears to flow freely. I hear him softly comforting me, but it's somewhere far away, and I'm not really paying attention.   
I wonder now if I'll ever see Han again. I clutch Luke's tunic and sob. He doesn't seem to mind.   
But I'm a Princess; this behavior is unacceptable. I quickly pull away in humiliation, wiping furiously at his shirt, apologizing profusely for the tears stained across the material.   
"Leia...Please calm down," he pleads. "It's perfectly okay. In fact, we were just discussing what we're going to do on Tatooine."  
I wiped my eyes. "Have you heard from Lando and Chewie?" I question. Luke shakes his head.  
"Not yet. But I sent Threepio and Artoo down there to deliver a message to Jabba. Hopefully it'll distract him for a while. I'm gonna go down there just in case and play with his mind a little. It shouldn't be too hard."  
"What do you need me to do?"  
He straightens up a little. "Nothing. You stay here. I won't allow you to go down there. It's a dangerous place, Leia."   
"But--"  
"I swear to you, we won't leave without Han. Will you promise me you'll stay here?"  
I pause, but nod. "I promise," I lie; I have every intention of going down there. We have to have as many plans as we can think up. We need as many chances as we can grasp. As much as it takes to rescue Han.  
He looks at my eyes. I avoid his gaze, but try to keep my hesitation subtle and casual. But Jedi aren't easily convinced, I recall. I nod firmly, and force myself to look into his eyes to try and reassure him.   
"I'll stay here, Luke."  
He glances at me one last time, seems satisfied, and nods He turns back to Mon Mothma, a member of the council. I carefully take a seat, my mind wandering. I decide I'll take a fighter tonight when Luke isn't around. I have ideas of my own how to get Han back. Although Luke's plan is probably better, it's always a good idea to have a backup.   
With four different plans, one has to work. Lando and Chewie are down there somewhere with a scheme, Luke sent Threepio and Artoo, he's going down himself in only a few moments, and I will follow his lead without him knowing.   
One of them just has to work.   
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_And it hurts to want everything and nothing at the same time   
I want what's yours and I want what's mine  
I want you and I'm not giving in this time  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~**_  
_** "When are you leaving?" Mon Mothma asks him.  
He strokes his chin. "As soon as possible. I'll leave tonight. Who knows what Jabba's done to Threepio and Artoo already? They're not strong enough droids to handle this one."   
Mon Mothma nods. "May the force be with you, Luke."  
Luke gives a hesitant smile. "Thank you."  
I watch his face; I see the pain he tries to hide. I remember Obi-Wan telling him years ago to bury his feelings deep down because they could be made to serve the dark side.   
The thought alone makes me shiver.  
If only Han were here...He would make some sort of joke that would really make Luke smile. They have such a strong friendship...  
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_Goodbye to you  
Goodbye to everything that I knew   
You were the one I loved  
The one thing that I tried to hold onto_**   
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
  
Luke pulls on his Jedi cloak thing, opening the hatch to the pod. I think I know well enough how to operate one. Enough to get me to Tatooine, anyway. I can probably just set a destination course or something if I need to.   
I brush past the wall and the floor creaks. He turns towards me and I freeze, praying he can't see me in the shadows. His eyes scan the corridor one last time, and he carefully steps onto the pod.   
I breathe a sigh of relief and continue towards another pod. He takes off; I hurry in, my heart pounding. I've never done something against the wishes of somebody I care about before. It gave me a rush, but at the same time, makes me feel quite guilty.   
My eyes linger on Tatooine. I take a deep breath and set the controls. The stars are all around me in this pod, sparkling brightly.   
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~  
**_And when the stars fall I will lie awake...  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~**_  
_**I exhale slowly. "Han..Here I come."  
~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~**_  
...You're my shooting star.  
_**~*~...*~*...~*~...*~*...~*~**_  
_**


End file.
